Attachment Styles- What are they and why do they matter?

With Valentine's day this month, relationships are a common theme that come up within therapy, in particular one's attachment style. 

What is an attachment style? 

Attachment theory, as researched by John Bowlby, refers to the way in which we relate with others. Our attachment style emerges within our childhoods and is impacted by the relationship we had with our primary caregiver(s) during childhood. 

While we can't say that early attachment styles can predict our behaviour in adulthood, there is evidence to suggest that it can have an impact on adult relationships. 

Things that can impact our attachment style, are neglect, abuse, unpredictable patterns of behaviour from our caregivers as can be common in those with addictions

There are 4 main types of attachment; 

Secure- Those that are comfortable with intimacy, have a positive view of oneself and those around them, are able to trust others, have the ability to share their feelings with others 

Avoidant- Often have a positive view of oneself but not of others, are self reliant and do not trust others easily 

Disorganised- Those that fear rejection, that would like to be comfortable with intimacy but often avoids it and has negative view of oneself and others 

Ambivalent- Often has a negative view of oneself, is overly dependent on others and  seeks constant reassurance

Why is it helpful to be aware of attachment styles? 

Our attachment style will impact the way we act within relationships. Being aware of the foundations on which we have formed our responses within relationships can enable us to be more informed of the challenges we might face within such relationships.

It may allow us to recognise unwanted patterns within past relationships that continue to resurface and understand ways of preventing this from happening going forward.